Where do I start? Do I tell you about my gripes with unhinged capitalism? The passage of time? Or the general news of my aching heart?

“Where to from here?”

This is the question that keeps spinning in my mind like a vinyl record. Among several others.

I feel too much. Think too much. Do just enough. Or perhaps too much of the wrong thing, I can’t tell.

I am fighting with myself 24/7.

Mostly, I feel anger, dread and sadness lately.

So I started taking Saffron. Apparently they say it’s meant to help with mood. I could feel it sort of working, or perhaps it’s the placebo affect. I feel this sort of synthetic happiness. Like I can tell I am elevating a little but underneath is still this sort of polluted river.

I think I need to prioritize more of me. Stop getting back into cycles where I fall for a man and end up broken in the end. I’m over that circus.

Today I felt okay being alone. Trying to hold strong and not respond to my ex. Not go back to the past and focus on the future.

Anyway, the world feels cooked.

I refuse to stay quiet about it. I am not going to sit here while prices keep going up without pushing back on this nonsense. Is the answer to push back or elevate myself and others? What does that even mean? I don’t know.

What does it mean to elevate anyway? I don’t know.

A part of me is growing weary.

The other part is stubborn and refuses to give up hope.

I sort of feel like a Billie Eilish song and spirit. Just sort of… dead but alive.

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Right now I stopped looking for romance. I feel closed off to it. Like I will cut a mother fucker who tries to get close to me. Never thought I’d get this closed.

Anyway, nothing too grand to share here today. No poetics. No magic. No fluff.

If this post could taste like something it would probably be a straight shot of whiskey.