Hey, I wish I had words. But they’ve all been suffocated. Suffocated by loss, change, time, pressure, devastation. And still. Still I hold on. Firm as can be. Even though I wobble. Somehow, this root, planted firm is still here.

It’s been a while since I came here to chat with you. I wish I could hold you and stay a while. Lay my head on your shoulder and tell you everything there is to know.

I want to be true. Real. Honest. Pure.

But the world makes it difficult to be so. Or is that an excuse?

What if I just tried? Tried to be transparent?

Anyway, this all sounds kind of cryptic.

I’ve been going through it. Through it. Through it. Through it.

And now I am tired. In need of a break before I break.
Oh wait, I’m already broken.

Broken. Broken. Gone.
The passage of time has made it all gone.

It’s all gone. Time and space is just catching up.

How morbid, right?
Or is it just too real to accept?

Why do we avoid the reality? Polish ourselves and present the best.
Nothing wrong with presenting the best. But then we hide the truth.

Hide the truth. Hide the truth.

I just want to be real. I just want you to know. I just want to know.

Know. Know. Know.

—

Sigh.

—

So I moved to Texas.
What’s that about?

I would never guess it so.

I remember days before sitting on the beach overlooking the ocean from the cliff. The sky so blue. Peace in the air. Temperature perfect. “This is too perfect it can’t be real.” Enamored. Enamored. Enamored. Enamored by the beauty. The beauty of this place I call home. California. You are home.

I don’t want to go into details right now but eventually I will.
I just wanted to say hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

I am having a hard time speaking. A hard time expressing. Pray for me.