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Trust

What if I could wholeheartedly trust?

What if I didn’t have any doubt?

What if my trust was so great that it became synonymous with fact?

What if all I needed to do is be exactly as I am and do exactly as I do without being afraid? Without beating myself up?

What if the universe has me safe at all times? That even the dark, unsavory moments of my journey were all part of my learning plan.

What if I could just let go of trying to control all the details. What if I could just trust that the higher order of things is in alignment to my greatest good and I need not fight, squirm, or throw tantrums.

What if I could learn to just enjoy the journey. To not get so caught up in my inner struggle of “Why isn’t this happening sooner?”

If I could just breathe. Just breathe.

If I could stop rushing. Stop yearning. Stop chasing.

Why am I in such a hurry? Why am I trying to be at the destination already? Why can’t I just be okay with the process and not focus so much on the result?

If I could just be here now. If I could just learn to accept that not everything goes my way and that’s okay.

If I could master the art of simply existing.

If I could trust.

I want to trust.

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Give Yourself Permission

Give yourself permission to just breathe.
To relax.
To let go.
To be still.

Forgive yourself.
For all the times you’ve been so mean to you. For all the times you looked at yourself in the mirror and wished you didn’t have to be you. You didn’t have to exist. For all the times you expected too much of yourself. Pushed yourself too hard. Beat down on yourself for not being “quite there yet.”

There are days where not moving, not doing, not planning, not rushing, not adding another task to your endless to do list is the answer. 
There comes a time when you just have to lay down. Sleep. Rest. Lock yourself away from the world. Give yourself the space to just be. To not have to figure out all the details.

Hold space for yourself. 
Comfort yourself.

It’s okay to not be okay. To take time off. To not have it all together all the time. To put down the heavy burdens and take a breather. Even the almighty God took a break. So much more you, mighty human, need a day to turn off and recharge. 

It’s okay to disconnect.
It’s okay to say “You know what? Today I am not doing anything.”

Lay in bed all day.
Give your body the rest it needs to function.

Sleep.
Let your mind have time to slow down and recharge.

Breakdowns are a normal part of the human experience.
Give yourself permission to breakdown.

Life is actually pretty darn hard sometimes.
There is so much going on. So many to do’s. So many expectations. 
It is natural to want to pause. 

Hold space for yourself to be human. To slow down. To soften the pace.

Just be here right now. 
Giving yourself permission to simply exist without the need to manage anything, control anything. fix anything, or figure anything out right now.

Allow yourself to be right where you’re at in this moment. 
Allow yourself to take a break.
To breathe.
To be.

 

Learn to Live

Suddenly it clicked.

I’ve been making my life into a project that needs to be “fixed” rather than an experience to live.

I’ve been stuck perpetuating negative thoughts and emotional patterns it’s no wonder it feels like I’m on a treadmill running fast but getting nowhere.

I keep adding wood to the fire. No wonder it keeps burning.

If I’m going to step into the experience of life I truly want then I need to stop repeating the same old habits.

Why do I keep feeling so shitty? Oh, yeah, duh – because I keep thinking there’s something wrong with me and then spend hours on end trying to fix me. It’s like I’m always in the repair shop!

BUT I’M COMING OUT, FOLKS! (Out of the repair shop, not like the closet or anything… not that there’s anything wrong with that… I digress)

 

I must create new habits!

I must get outta my own head. Focus on actually living my life rather than solving my life. I need to involve myself in more activities. Go to a yoga class. Take up pottery. Go for a run. Learn a new skill or language. Play games. Start a coloring book. Take walks with friends. Do anything but sit here for hours on end immersed in self-help, sel-improvement content. WTF!

Don’t get me wrong, improving one’s self is a beautiful thing but not on an obsessive level. (Guilty)

 

I’m also not saying I should just go distract myself in order to avoid my issues, no. I’m saying it’s not good to make every day a “fix myself” project. If I’m always fixing myself when do I actually just live and just be? I often don’t! I’m too busy wondering if the world approves of me!

#aintnobodygottimefordat

I am awakening to the realization that I am no longer making my life into some kind of project. I’m here in life to have fun and enjoy myself, not pick apart every detail and try to make it into some perfect polished package. No mas mis amigos!

It’s time to really have fun on this ride called life and to stop taking things so seriously.

What a breath of fresh air to know that I’m fine and I could just BE!

 

 

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No Attachment

I’ve been practicing this new way of being. I am not attaching to my thoughts as often as I used to be, especially not the negative ones.

My mind is usually going on and on about anything and everything. Analyzing, criticizing,  fantasizing all kinds of scenarios, breaking things apart, putting them back together, accessing memories from years back and entertaining ideas about their meanings, projecting myself into the future, rubik’s cubing all the possible scenarios to manipulate outcomes, interpreting external cues and data, attempting to make sense of it all, wondering if I’m being perceived okay and if I fit in or not, worrying about rejection and doom, catastrophizing, rationalizing, compartimentalizing, all over the placealizing, and boy, let me tell you, it’s exhausting!!!

And: #ain’tnobodygotimefordat

I have to LET THIS WAY OF BEING GO!

I don’t live in real time when I live like this. I live in the mind. Lost in a story. Lost in thoughts that are usually negative.

No. No. No. No more!

I want to simply exist. Let whatever thoughts cross my mind but not latch on to them like they’re reality. They’re just thoughts. They are NOT TRUTH.

I don’t have to entertain whatever chatter pops up in my head. Ideas have no power over me unless I start to entertain, accept, attach and believe them. Fuck that noise.

I want to live HERE and PRESENT. Not in some limiting bullshit ass story that is running in my mind.

Nope. Unsubscribe from that party!

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I’m not yet fully versed in this new way of being yet, though. I’m a newbie at it.

But even as a newbie it’s helping me so much already. I am working on my mental health like I am working on my physical health. My mind is a muscle that I can train just like I can train my body. And I want to train it to serve me, rather than be a servant to it’s loose ramblings.

 

Wish me luck! And good luck to those of you out there practicing the same. You’re a badass and I love you!

❤️

 

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Random Late Night Thoughts

At any point you have the power to steer your thoughts. So when they start saying negative shit, just steer it the other  way. Reframe it.

It feels better to think better, even if it seems like a delusion to choose the better thought.
Do I have all the facts? No.
So might as well live happy if at the end of the day I have no control because I don’t actually know any better.
Who cares?
It’s all fine in the end.
So chill, baby girl.
Chill!
Enjoy the ride.
Don’t get caught up in sad stories.
Fuck that.
It’s time for a revolution 🤘🏼
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Comfortable With Silence

It’s beautiful to stand here in this moment and simply exist with you. 
…
…
Why do we feel like we need to fill space with conversation all the time?
Quiet elevator rides aren’t awkward. They’re an opportunity for us to share a space and just exist without having to say anything.
Why can’t we just be in silence without feeling pressure to have a conversation?
Why can’t we just co-inhabit this space?
Silence isn’t awkward. It’s beautiful. And I don’t mind just sharing this space with you.
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Breathe. Be Here. Be Present.

I think a lot. A lot.

I realize that most of my thinking hinders my ability to simply experience the beauty of the present moment. The sounds. The smells. The colors. The joy of being part of the eternal now.

My thoughts give rise to my emotions, which gives rise to more thoughts, and circles endlessly.
When I interrupt my thinking mind I feel peaceful. I don’t project myself into the future or wallow in my past or my fears.
Letting the thoughts just play like a song on a radio allows me to be the observer of the thoughts without identifying or giving them more energy to persist.

When I let my thoughts carry me away like the mighty waves of an ocean, I lose myself in my mind. I drown. I start to believe my limiting thoughts are my reality. I play and replay scenarios in my head. I remember the past. I rehearse for the future. I replay all my fears. I analyze. Overthink. I beat an idea down over and over until I am overwhelmed and uneasy.

Then I remember  I have a choice. I can either live in my head or live in the moment. Do I live in the mental stories or do I actually live? The stories make me feel good or make me feel bad, or something in between. The stories do not provide lasting peace as they are always changing, analyzing, criticizing, judging.

Regret. Fear. Anxiety. Love. Nostalgia. Guilt. Shame. Sadness. Pride. Creativity. My myriad of emotions. It’s all tossed in my head like a salad.

Then I chose to take a seat. I just sit there and watch the thoughts. I watch them until they are done rising and sinking. I let them ride but I don’t join. I actively interrupt the thoughts by commanding myself to “Be here. Be present.” I take deep breaths and focus on the feeling of the air filling my lungs and then releasing.

In…
Out…
In…
Out…
Be here.
Be present.
In…
Out…
In…
Out…
Be here.
Be present.

My mind becomes quiet. I am brought back to the present moment where everything is ok. The colors penetrate my eyes. The smells dance in my nostrils. The sounds tickle my ears. The air makes sweet love to my lungs. I am well. I am here. I am not identified with the stories in my head. I am not my memories. I am not projecting myself into the future. I am not trying to control. I am not trying to do more, be more, have more to prove some point to myself or the world. I just am. I just am this living being who is settled in peace, inner stillness and soothing joy.

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Let it Be

Let the wind blow through your hair. Don’t worry if it gets tangled and wild.

Let the rain get you wet. Don’t care if it seeps into your shoes.

Let yourself be late. Don’t frazzle about what you can’t change.

Let yourself mispronounce a word. Don’t judge yourself for your mistakes.

Let your tears roll down your cheeks. Don’t hold back from what you feel.

Let yourself snort when you laugh. Don’t worry about who is looking.

Let yourself get some mustard across your face. Don’t be embarrassed at such simple things.

Let your life be. Let yourself be. As things are. As you are. This doesn’t mean cross your arms and do nothing while life passes you by, it means don’t resist what is, but rather, make the best of it.

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