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Let go

Goodbyes

Goodbyes are a funny thing.

Letting go of the familiar and embracing the new.

Knowing that this may be the last time I physically see you. The last time we share the same space. 

Saying goodbye makes me want to cry. Because I see that time keeps pushing me to expand. To change. To move in a new direction. To age. To morph. And eventually, to die.

Morbid – but true. I am each moment closer to my last – which could be at any point in time. Whoa. What a realization to have. That at literally any moment I could be sharing my last experience ever.

But enough on that for now.

I am leaving New York City this week and starting a cross country road trip and new life in San Diego, California. I am chasing the sun. The palm trees. The slower pace.
I’ve downsized my life to whatever I can fit inside a midsize SUV which I have rented for 2 weeks.

car

As of this moment I have no job. No apartment out there. Just this car rental, some stuff, a little bit of savings and some courage sprinkled with faith and dashes of hope. 

My future is looking so unknown right now.
But I am excited at the same time.

I am excited by the possibility of creating a life that I am truly passionate about.

And it starts here and now. Saying goodbye to everything. 

Goodbye Job. 
Goodbye friends.
Goodbye family.
Goodbye lovers.
Goodbye home.
Goodbye familiarity.
Goodbye comfort.
Goodbye many possessions.

Hello possibilities. Hello new world, new me.

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Die Before You Die

Release.

Die before you die.

Let go before you let go.
You don’t have to be afraid, beautiful, sweet child. You are okay. And it will be okay.
Learn to not be so attached to any outcome.
Learn to experience each moment fully.
Learn to have fun even when life really sucks.
Learn to be grateful even when it’s all going downhill.
I know this can be hard to do.
I know it almost seems impossible to pull through when you’re looking in the mirror and literally all of your demons and their dark destruction are staring furiously back at you ROARING — telling you, “YOU CAN’T MAKE IT. YOU’RE WORTHLESS. YOU’RE NOTHING. IT WILL NEVER WORK OUT. GIVE UP. JUST STOP EXISTING. NO ONE CARES, NOT EVEN YOU.”
In this moment, when everything seems against you, put your hands over your ears and refuse to listen to those voices and fears that cloud your better judgement. Even these fearful voices serve for your awakenening.
Remind yourself of the truth:
YOU CAN.
YOU ARE.
YOU WILL.
YOU ARE SO WORTHY.
SO BEAUTIFUL.
SO ENOUGH.
SO LOVED.
SO ABUNDANT.
YOU ARE FILLED WITH JOY.
THERE IS NOTHING YOU LACK.
YOU ARE AT PEACE AND YOU ARE AT REST.
There is absolutely NOTHING you need to do, be, have, get, buy, attain, ask for in order to have value because your existence alone is in and of itself WHOLE AND COMPLETE AND WORTHY AND ENOUGH AND ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL, GLORIOUS AND PERFECT.
You are right where you need to be.
You are not late, you are not early – you are right on time – right here, right now, beautifully as you are.
Don’t be afraid to lose.
Don’t be afraid of time.
Don’t be afraid that things will not work out.
Experience each moment as it is without resistance. Or perhaps resist if you must because all of your experience is valid.
Cry if you must.
Sleep if you must.
Take a break if you must.
And know deeply, deeply, that you are being held right now in the loving arms of a life force that holds you blameless, shameless, and perfectly whole.
I love you.
Don’t worry.
Don’t be afraid.
Even when you lose, you win.
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No Attachment

I’ve been practicing this new way of being. I am not attaching to my thoughts as often as I used to be, especially not the negative ones.

My mind is usually going on and on about anything and everything. Analyzing, criticizing,  fantasizing all kinds of scenarios, breaking things apart, putting them back together, accessing memories from years back and entertaining ideas about their meanings, projecting myself into the future, rubik’s cubing all the possible scenarios to manipulate outcomes, interpreting external cues and data, attempting to make sense of it all, wondering if I’m being perceived okay and if I fit in or not, worrying about rejection and doom, catastrophizing, rationalizing, compartimentalizing, all over the placealizing, and boy, let me tell you, it’s exhausting!!!

And: #ain’tnobodygotimefordat

I have to LET THIS WAY OF BEING GO!

I don’t live in real time when I live like this. I live in the mind. Lost in a story. Lost in thoughts that are usually negative.

No. No. No. No more!

I want to simply exist. Let whatever thoughts cross my mind but not latch on to them like they’re reality. They’re just thoughts. They are NOT TRUTH.

I don’t have to entertain whatever chatter pops up in my head. Ideas have no power over me unless I start to entertain, accept, attach and believe them. Fuck that noise.

I want to live HERE and PRESENT. Not in some limiting bullshit ass story that is running in my mind.

Nope. Unsubscribe from that party!

——

I’m not yet fully versed in this new way of being yet, though. I’m a newbie at it.

But even as a newbie it’s helping me so much already. I am working on my mental health like I am working on my physical health. My mind is a muscle that I can train just like I can train my body. And I want to train it to serve me, rather than be a servant to it’s loose ramblings.

 

Wish me luck! And good luck to those of you out there practicing the same. You’re a badass and I love you!

❤️

 

1

Declarations For Letting Go

I am letting go.
I am releasing what does not serve me.
I release painful memories.
I let go of thoughts that hold me back.
I am free from all past hurt.
I release people from my past who hurt me.
I let go of blame.
I let go of guilt.
I am floating in freedom.
I am bathing in freedom.
I relinquish all my burdens.
I am as light as a feather.
I am healed.
I am swimming in bright blue clear waters.
I am rising with joy in my heart.
I am bursting with bright and loving energy.
I am new.
I forgive myself completely.
I am totally forgiven.
I let go of blaming others and forgive them for my sake.
I am as fresh and pure as the day I was born.
I am living from a new paradigm.
I am living from a new world.
I am living from new set of eyes.
The past no longer has power over me.
I am in complete control of my emotions.
I choose peace.
I choose freedom.
I am whole and in peace.
I am completely free.
I am flying above all my circumstances.
I am abundant and well.
I am new in every moment.
I am alive and I breath in fresh rejuvenating air.
My lungs are filled with the refreshing oxygen and as I breathe out all that does not serve me is released.
I let go.
I let go.
I am free.
I am free.

You are free.
You are free.
From this moment forward, you are free.

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Rumination

Rumination, (thinking deeply about the same thing over and over again) is helpful in the sense that it reminds you of some unresolved issue. However, rumination can be detrimental to your wellbeing because it inhibits you from letting go and healing. Picking at the same old wound will never allow it to heal. Replaying the same old story in your head will keep you stuck like a CD with a scratch on it. You can’t move forward and grow if your mind is stuck on what happened two years ago. Letting go of the story in your head will allow you to begin to unburden yourself and become free of limiting thoughts that keep causing you pain in the present moment.

It can be hard to let go of the story in our head when we have become so identified with it. It is like a little piece of us. We think something like, “I will never forget the mean comment Jane made about me.” And then you keep thinking about Jane and her comment over and over again because you have chosen to commit to the thought that “I will never forget the mean comment Jane made about me.”

Holding on to the mean comment Jane made about you is not in any way serving you in a positive manner. What good is it doing to your mind, body, heart and overall wellbeing? None.

Let go.

So how do we let go of our limiting thoughts?

Practice non-attachment. When a repetitive thought comes to your mind, don’t feed the thought. Don’t become identified with it. Allow it to just pass through you. The thought will die if you do not feed it further energy. If you let the thought pass through you like a cloud or the wind, it’ll just pass without affecting you. Recognize that you are not your thoughts – you have thoughts, but you are not the thoughts. You are the awareness of your thoughts. Use your awareness to shine light on repetitive thoughts and realize “Oh, hey, there goes that bad thought again. I will just let it pass because this thought is not who I am.”

You can also practice meditation, which is getting the mind to become totally still. It quiets the analytical voice that is always playing in your head. You don’t have to meditate for long periods at a time. Even 10 seconds can help you become still. Start small. Focus on your breath. Breathing deeply calms your heart rate and brings your body to a state of relaxation. You can do this anywhere at any time. We all have at least 10 seconds to dedicate to our wellbeing.

Practice affirming rituals that remind you of who you are. When repetitive thoughts arise, interrupt them with affirming thoughts like:

I am consciousness.
I am in control of my thoughts.
I let go of old limiting thoughts.
I let go of painful memories.
I release all that does not serve me.
I am free.

You can repeat that to yourself like a mantra as many times as necessary until your mind becomes refocused on the truth of who you really are! You are life itself. You are not a scratched CD. You are not a song on replay. You are not your memories. You have memories, but underneath those memories you are pure consciousness first.
May you find peace in letting go.

3

Some Reasons We Hold On

We hold on and on. Like glue we hold. So strong, so strong. This record, yet scratched, never gets old. 

We hold on because it’s comfortable. It’s familiar. I’s safe. We’ve known this for so long that letting go of it now is almost like cutting off an arm or something. It’s become so part of us  – so part of our identity.

We hold on because we love. We want to keep what we love for as long as physically possible.

We hold on because we have no motivation to seek any better. We settle for what we have because it’s good enough, easy enough, simple enough.

We hold on because we are scared. We fear that if we let go then we will never find a replacement.

We hold on because it feels good, even when it hurts. Like massaging a sore back after a long day of work.

We hold on because it interests us. It increases our status in some way. It rubs our ego.

We hold on because we want to show an image to the world. What’s more important than keeping up with the Kardashians? Duh.

We hold on because there’s a mutual benefit. Something to learn. Something that nourishes our souls.

We hold on because we want to be supported. We don’t want to feel alone.

We hold on because we feel like it. And feeling is always sufficient reason.

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