I am sorry.
For all the times I’ve failed. For all the times I’ve fallen short. For the times I’ve hurt you. For the times I’ve been less than good.
For the times I’ve envied. Felt jealous. Felt superior. Felt less than. Felt worry. Felt fear. Felt anger. Hatred.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in a prison. Sometimes I have no energy. No desire for anything.
I’m sorry for that too.
You are good to me. And I don’t want to take you for granted.
But in this life where everything is slipping away it just feels sort of pointless at times.
Eventually I will have to say good-bye to you. To me. And this truth hurts.
All this effort. All this work. For nothing.
I am sorry for my negative thinking. I wish I knew better. I mean, really knew.
I know conceptually that when you think better you feel better. But I don’t want to just think to think. I want to know.
I want a deeper connection. With myself. With you.
I want to be kind to me. I am kind to the world yet often an enemy to myself.
Be patient with me.
Don’t leave me. Don’t go.
But time is taking it all away.
The plant is dying. I tried to save it. I will try it again.