Sadness is a feeling I am all too familiar with

The other day I was journaling and noticing how blessed I am…

Full belly
Food in the fridge
Comfortable couch decorated with colorful throw pillows to sit on
Candle lit
Plants and flowers around
Fire place lit
Living in a beach town
Wearing a cute outfit, nails painted in a cute blue color and fingers adorned with stylish rings
Glass of wine
Healthy body
Friends
A lover

Yet with all there is to be grateful for, why is there still some persistent underlying feeling of sadness that lingers around throughout my days? What is it within me that keeps this feeling alive?

So…

I started to explore it…

Maybe it’s biological? Maybe my body is used to producing this familiar chemical and so it is biologically triggered…

Maybe I like it? Maybe there is a part of me that enjoys the sadness? So much art and reflection can come from this state…

Maybe it’s because of the suffering of the world? How can I rest and be truly happy if there is suffering in the world?

Maybe it’s because I will die… and everything is just passing. I’m working and working and doing and doing — and for what? For it all to end and pass away? The beautiful moments quickly evaporate and morph into the next. The day becomes the night. The young become the old…. and eventually the beginning meets the end 😥

So what is it all for?
What am I living for?
Why am I here?
Why is there something?
What is this experience?
What is even the point? 😦

And why is it that even though I am happy, I am also sad….?