Trigger Warning:
This blog post contains descriptions of death. This topic may be distressing or triggering for some readers. Do NOT continue on if this topic is upsetting or disturbing to you.


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Have you ever seen a dead body? I hadn’t until today. It didn’t look real. It looked like a wax doll you’d see in the wax museum.

It was my neighbor.

I hear a man’s voice screaming outside my door. I open my door to check what the commotion was. I could see my neighbor’s door open. I thought maybe her dog ran out and something bad had happened to it. But then I see the dog, tail wagging. I see the guy she was dating wailing.

“What’s going on?” I inquire.

“She killed herself.” He responds.

I’m in shock and disbelief. I run into her apartment to see if there was any way to help or save her still. I yell out her name. I go into her room and try to look for her. I don’t see her until I look at the open closet and see her hanging in it. I couldn’t believe what I saw was real. It didn’t look real. Her hands were purple. Her feet purple. Her stomach swollen. Her mouth open and stuffed with what looked like dry blood. Her beautiful blue eyes open. It must have been days that she had been hanging there.
I wanted to touch her, check if what I was seeing was real – but I didn’t. I was in disbelief and in shock.

I walk out. The cops come.

Other neighbors come out. Everyone is crying.

She was a candle maker.
A sweet and beautiful young woman with so much to live for.
She lived in a cute, small one bedroom by the beach.

When I first moved here she gave me one of her candles.
And from then on I only bought them from her.

We weren’t that close, but I loved her and admired her so.

I would have never guessed she was struggling.

We truly just never know.

I wish I would have known.

My heart is broken. Yesterday I had one of her candles lit in my apartment, and I was thinking how I was looking forward to getting her summer collection. I had texted her last week saying I’d love to come support her at the farmer’s market.

How could this happen?

I just wanna say, if you are ever feeling alone or depressed please seek help. Please remember you are important. You matter. Your life MEANS something to people. Don’t let the voices of depression win. You matter. You’re important. You’re important. You matter.

I wish I could shout it from the roofs so every person who needs to hear it could hear it: You are important. You are loved. You matter. Please believe it.

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Man, do we need a kinder world.

After what I saw today, I’m shook.

What should I direct my energy towards while I still can while I’m here?

I don’t wanna show off or compete or make anybody else feel like shit. Why are we not coming together more? Why aren’t we uniting more?

Why aren’t we making this world a better place for us all to live in?

So many are stressed because of bills.
Because of working jobs and barely getting by.
And that stress leaks into relationships.
We then have all this pressure to look a certain way, to have a certain car, to consume consume consume to make it look like we have it together. WHAT THE F IS GOING ON?

God help me. God help us.
God help our world.

I’m sending love to each and every one of you here. Keep believing for something good. Keep having faith. Keep being kind. Keep loving. Keep being the light. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep the faith.

YOU ARE LOVED.
YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Reach out for help if you need it. Don’t go at this alone.

Let’s keep holding on to the light and being more of the light in this world.