Lately I’ve been swimming in duality pretty hard core.
Holding the full weight of the paradox in my nervous system.

Life and death.
Everything and nothing.
Loving you and hating you.
Holding on and letting go.

I must be able to do both.

I am sitting with complexity. With nuance. Learning to be soft and strong. Open and discerning. Hopeful and wise.

I’ve been naive and delusional. There’s a part of me that still is because deep down I still believe in the magical. In the miracle. In the mystical.

There is this new part that is coming through now. A sage. A mothering spirit. A fierce protector. A guard. A part who is more selective. A part who is more refined. A part who knows how to say “no.” A part who can speak up. A part who is grounded. A part who is solid.

Yet in all of that, still holding this full surrendered letting go. Knowing all too well nothing is guaranteed – not even the next moment. I used to believe my dreams would certainly come to pass. Now, I still believe they will but with the awareness they are not guarantees. It’s all subject to change.

I sit with trust and surrender. I sit with hope and detachment. I sit with anger and understanding. With sadness and awe. With hate and with love. I sit with all of it. It’s like I’ve swallowed the universe whole and it’s ripping through my throat as it goes down past my chest taking bits of me and it sits in my tummy. It’s a painful digest. It’s a painful release. And a beautiful, glorious transformation.