It’s the tail end of summer. The evening felt warm last night but the world felt cold.

I was walking the anxiety away. The pressure on my chest from the passage of time and the news of my mother’s illness weighed on me like a boulder.

So I whipped out what I always do in times likes these…

Pema Chödrön. One of my favorite Buddhist teachers.

I put on my headphones and listened to her calm, soothing voice remind me of impermanence. Remind me to just sit with the discomfort. “Humans don’t just feel good” she said. “Breathe into the discontent.”

I started to again reflect on attachment. How I must accept that nothing is forever. Life is not forever. I can’t hang on too tightly. Not to my youth, not my belongings, not my titles, not the people I love. I must learn to be with what is while it is and to let it go when it is time to let go.

ROAR!

I get it…I hear it. I know it. But it doesn’t make it any easier.

So let me sit with all of it. The part of me that knows better and the part of me that wants to squirm, complain, and throw a little tantrum.

—


On other news…
Lately everything reminds me of you.
There’s a canyon sized hollow without you here.

Sigh.


I am longing to soften.
To rest deeply in my body in powerful surrender. To fill my lungs with sweet, juicy air in full trust that it is all working in divine order. We are not late, we are not early, we are exactly where we should be.

Can I trust?
Can I really, really trust this time?

I am wanting to take the wild leap.

I am starting to think we live in a simulation. Or something sort of similar to it. Life’s too weird, too magnificent, too damn trippy not to lift a brow in suspicion that perhaps something’s up.

Too many strange coincidences leave my radar on alert.

I think I am ready.

I don’t know for what. But I am ready!